We are in the middle of the period between the summer and the Christmas holidays. For many people this is a busy time. Is this the same for you? Many coaches and therapists are at working at full stream and are not thinking about the Christmas holidays yet.
We are working hard and we seek balance in both our professional and our personal lives. We rise up to this challenge with varying success.
Then suddenly it may happen that someone comes up to you and asks with a worried look: “Are you okay?” If that happens, it’s nice – because someone really looks at you and cares for you – and at the same time it is also a sign that you may have too much on your plate or that you are losing overview.
Stop and consider
Taking a little time to consider this question is very good. It offers the ability to check how we are really doing. Later in this blog you will find three indicators to help you do this check-up
Sometimes it’s so easy to keep telling yourself that it’s going well, while you’re actually surpassing yourself in the ‘madness of the day’. That’s a pity, because if you surpass yourself, balance sometimes disappears out of sight.
The art is actually to maintain harmony during a busy period. That goes beyond making a good schedule (and holding yourself to it). This balance does not only have to do with your duties at work and in your family. It’s the art of not waiting until someone asks you, “Are you okay?” It’s about the ability to raise this question on a regular basis. It is also important to sincerely listen to your own answer. Because deep inside you undeniably know the answer to this question.
With these 3 indicators you will understand what’s going wrong and how to regain balance.
For this we need to look at the three basic needs. For ourselves, we need to meet these three basic needs. Also for our children and partners and the people who come to our practice, those three basic conditions must be fulfilled.
For example, if you feel the harmony is lost at work or in your team, check if these three criteria are fulfilled. These three indicators can also help you to help your client understand why balance has been (temporarily) lost. The same goes for at home.
The checklist can be a nice starting point to have a great conversation with a friend or partner or (older) children.
Need for recognition: Name me, name me, confirm my existence *
Every person wants to be loved. You would like to be acknowledged in who you are and what you do.
Our clients want that too. If you have a client at your practice, it’s important to really look at them and to positively name what they have already done to solve the problem. Our clients need that we look at them with real attention.
At home, the same is true. Your children and your partner have the same need. You also have that need. Do you have enough people in your life that really see you? Or is this not the case? Then arrange an appointment with a friend, colleague or coach who can really see you. Do it today. It is heart warming and will do you good.
* A line out “For whom I love, I want to be named” from Neeltje Maria Min.
Need for clarity: Good agreements, good friends
Clarity is important. Ambiguity takes up a lot of energy. Do you have a clear view on what you still have to do? Has it been put down on paper or are there still tasks floating around? Is it clear who will take the tasks and what the arrangements are?
Are your clients clear on what is expected of them? Has it been clearly described on what you want to work together? Have clear agreements been made?
Is there a clear division of tasks at home? Who is doing the groceries? Who brings the children to school? By agreeing on these things very clearly, we find peace and harmony again.
If you miss this clarity, just make a note now and talk to your colleagues, your boss or your housemates later.
Need for stimulation: Spreading your wings and being allowed to grow.
Everyone has the need to grow and learn new things. You need an incentive to do so and so do your clients. Do they have enough space to grow or do they need to adjust themselves too often?
This also applies to your private life of course.
Do you and your partner still have enough space for your hobbies and you have time to learn new things? Do you stimulate each other in that sense? And is that the same for your children?
If the answer to these questions is “no,” it is high time to start a new challenge. Perhaps it’s the ideal time to enrol in a TA education? ☺
Just too much?
If we feel we have lost balance, we can consider these three indicators. We can take the time to sit down with a cup of tea or a nice drink and take the three basic needs into consideration. Observe and distinguish, but do not condemn yourself. Just for the fact that you take the time and effort to complete this checklist for your life, you already deserve an applause! Your life does not be smooth or perfect.
Check if the basic needs are being met and honestly question yourself, your family and your clients. Is everything as it should be? Great! Enjoy the harmony. Is something out of place? Then you know where and how to make changes.
The model of the three basic needs stems from Transaction Analysis. By applying this theory to your situation, you will discover new insights about your life.
The checklist is also very inspiring as a starting point for a conversation with clients.
You’re welcome to join us!